Ode de Toilette

Afterword – A Love Letter (of sorts) This is the last post, you really should read the earlier ones first.  We had a great trip.  This was just a little rant I went on near the end of the trip.

Dear France,

Thank you for using some international things these days.  “Stop” is cute, but I miss Arret, as it was one of the French words I understood and was used to, but OK, stop works for me.  Thank you also for upgrading the toilet paper somewhat, but what's up with the pink?  Many places have pink TP.  Interesting.  No idea why.  Let's just say, it's not Charmin.  WC is cute too, and probably harder for Americans than toilette. But it seems to be becoming international; Switzerland and Italy also had WC everywhere, so we have to learn British now too.  

I see Minimalism is still all the rage in France.  It's just moved into WC fixtures and cars.  It's very efficient; this way you have both men and women using the same washing place, but at first it's quite confusing. You walk into the first area not knowing if its men or women and then you learn it is both.  You wonder about the rest, and then the little lady or man indications make things clear most of the time.  Stylized ones are sometimes confusing, but I bet you'd have difficulty with Cowboys and Cowgirls too.  

I love the minimalist toilet holders; with each hotel they seem to get smaller and more efficient.  But when I double checked the sign and found I was in the ladies room, Peter Gabriel singing “This Time You've Gone too Far” (from Digging in the Dirt) played loudly in my head.  What made you think those holes in the floor with porcelain foot stands qualify as a WC???  The only way I can manage them at all neatly is to take my undies off.   I'm so glad I wore a skirt.  Standing on one foot, carefully remove foot from sandal, take undies off and replace foot in sandal.  Do business reverse process, phew!  Managed!  I may wear a skirt the rest of the trip just in case I run into another of those. They should be labeled HIF (Hole in the Floor) instead of WC.  I didn't even know which direction to stand in the first time and I think I stood backward.  And the torque on the water when you flush, wow, I jumped out of the way just in time!  It flooded part of the floor as well.  You make  bathroom time such an adventure!

Your plumbing is also quite interesting.  I had no idea faucets could work in so many different ways - not to mention toilet flushing mechanisms.  I like the ones that have a two-part circle: one for number one and one for number two, clever and efficient.  Again a kind of minimalism at work.  I really enjoyed the experience of the old Cite de Carcassone but something was missing until I visited the WC in the parking lot.  OMG what a smell!  WAY too realistic.  Smelled just like the middle ages.  Campers are allowed to stay in the parking lot.  I'm afraid they abused the bathroom terribly.  The tunnel next to the canal was also a throwback to medieval times. Far too realistic, thank you very much.  The piece de resistance of toilets, however, was the one today that had an automatic seat cover.  I was just glad to see a bowl and a seat, much less an automatic cover mechanism.   It had a little button that you pushed to advance the cover around so you had a nice fresh one to sit on. Pictures indicated what you should do with it.   I LOVE IT!!!!!!!  It was an ancient bathroom, but very clean and the cover thing was quite tidy.  Thanks.  Can you install them all over please?

It is always an adventure to find your way to the bathroom, get the key if there is one and figure out if the lights are auto and just delayed or if you need to find a switch (which can also be an adventure – most turn up for off and down for on which confuses us to begin with and others turn in interesting ways, some still a mystery to me).  The stairways are often dangerously old tiles, dangerously steep and narrow circular staircases with handrails of questionably security.  It feels adventuresome, like going into a dungeon, a catacomb or into a cave.  The way to the WC is often an adventure, but most often you are surprised by the newness and high quality of the tile and the modern aspects such as the auto cover which I plan to have installed soon (:)) And there's getting to it and past the waitress or waiter or whoever is there to stop you if you don't sit down for yet another meal or cup of something which is going to make you need the next one.    

McDonalds isn't food in the US and importing it here hasn't helped it a bit.  I'm appalled at how many you have now. Most places do not charge for the bathroom any longer so McD's isn't as important as before (was a source of clean free bathrooms).  Public WC's are not as rare as they used to be and you don't have to pay as often now – mostly at major tourist attractions like Chartres (0.40 E).  But the beach had a lot of nerve charging for that bathroom, it was a HIF and very smelly and dirty and no paper.  Oh, by the way, be sure to take paper with you because half the time there isn't any in the public ones at rest stops and such.   So best stash some in your pocket or purse. 

Have you ever heard of wash cloths?  They are cute little things - a lot like the towels you supply in only one size and usually only a solitary towel per person.  I think I may see about getting the franchise on wash cloths for Europe; you need them.  I plan to pack several in plastic bags next I come.  We already bought a nice big towel for the beach and have just started using it in the hotels. Then I can use the thin small one for my hair, it almost works.  

I want a bath.  Our last shower was a closet – really it was a prefab that was where a closet should have been.  No closet at all and the other door which you would have thought a closet was the toilet or rather the WC  – it really was a water closet.  Clean and neat, just odd, well compared to others more normal than some! 

And minimalism is alive and well in the car industry here which I at first thought was a marvelous idea, but later in this trip I began to think that it’s only doubled the number of cars that can be in Paris at once and therefore, doubled the pollution.  It’s much more polluted than 10 years ago.  

OK,  I hope you enjoyed this rant.  Hope it made you laugh.  But seriously, I am looking forward to the luxury of our bathtub and my good friend Charmin.

I will be back, next time rolls of Chamin in bag :)